Toward Transformation

Timeshares

2010-11-24T09:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Jordyn and I went to a timeshare presentation for the Hilton Grand MarBrisa in Carlsbad - our penance for the $100 gift card we got at LegoLand. It was long and a bit boring, but the whole process was kind of interesting - they have it down to a science. I love how they tell you upfront they aren't going to twist your arm and then they bring in a series of "closers" (there to do something with you other than close you of course) after you've already said no 3 times. When we left, Jordyn and I were talking about the sales guy who was with us most of the time - he was a nice enough guy but Jordyn remarked (and I immediately concurred) that, "he was joky without being funny" - not a good combo. I think Emery felt the same way. During the critical time of our guy's presentation the child care called and asked us to come get Emery b/c she was crying. The sales guy said to just bring her up with us, which we did. The entire time she was with us she kept saying to the guy, "Bye bye."

Much in Little

2010-11-04T22:47:00.001-07:00

It's amazing how many things in life I've had backwards - things that I thought were important aren't, things that seemed trivial are monumental, people who seemed insignificant are heavy hitters in ways not fully realized or understood at first (and vice versa). Again and again we are confronted with the paradoxes of life (God seems to like those). What I am coming to appreciate in this life and in people is that the proof is truly in the pudding. You can't manufacture wisdom, patience, love, gentleness, selflessness, character, endurance, and kindness. These things are built through time, dedication, hard work, trials, challenges, victories, defeats, and mostly through becoming more and more a "bottom shelf" person whose intimacy with Christ has allowed God to show through and in some weird way we become more ourselves by becoming less. I'm glad that God desires mercy over holiness, love over works, and realness over polish. I often revert to old habits, priorities, and ways of thinking - but I am learning to see that there is much in little (a la Walden).

Philly

2008-05-25T22:35:00.000-07:00

Stayin' magma hot in the "City of Brotherly Love" where we celebrated Whit's graduation from Villanova University. This time I remembered to leave out the "Philly" part before ordering a cheesesteak sandwich.

Quote: Never argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Tunes: Bob Dylan's Highway 61 Revisited

Superwhatever

2008-05-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

"I meet so many people who have superwhatever rattling around in their head. They have this person they are convinced they are supposed to be, and their superwhatever is killing them. They have this image they picked up over the years of how they are supposed to look and act and work and play and talk, and it's like a voice that never stops shouting in their ear. And the only way to not be killed by it is to shoot first. Yes, that is what I meant to write. You have to kill your superwhatever. And you have to do it right now." -Rob Bell in Velvet Elvis
This is one of those times when you feel like the author or the pastor is speaking directly to you. Like they were thinking of you when they were writing their message. I can definitely relate with feeling overwhelmed by all the oughts and shoulds that I live by...by feeling driven by something that I'm not fully in touch with...feeling like I can't really slow down...that if I stop or don't follow my routines or do things right the world is going to stop. I'm not fully aware of why I am compelled to live this way, but I know it's robbing me in many ways. I know that I need to do some soul searching and allow God to heal some of the innermost places of my being. Rob Bell makes a sobering discovery on his journey to kill the superpastor inside him: "Your job is the relentless pursuit of who Gad has made you to be. And everything else you do is sin and you need to repent of it." God did not make me to be perfect, to please everyone, to be responsible and polished. He made me to passionately pursue Him, to love others, and to find the sacred in every day life. This involves a slowing down and letting go that I am not accustomed to. This involves facing the difficult things in my soul and bringing them to the surface. This involves being honest, authentic, and sharing the freedom that comes from accepting my own weaknesses and limitations.

Younger Men Grow Older Every Day...

2008-05-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

Richie Havens has a song titled, "Younger Men Grow Older Every Day," and it has always had a profound effect on me. Those words are simple and obvious but very powerful. The reality that time is passing, and seemingly faster every year, takes on more importance as you age. Sometimes it's strange to think about my parents or other "older" people and think that not so long ago they were my age and probably thought of what life/they would be like in 30 years. It really makes me want to take advantage of today and make the most of life. Only, I don't seem to be very good at that. Maybe I'm too hard on myself and maybe I have unrealistic expectations, but putting signs up that say, "Carpe Diem," and reminding myself to live passionately every day never really seems to translate to actual results. Usually, it seems like it's the first of the month and I'm writing more checks to pay the bills and wondering where the last month went. I haven't figured out the secret to being pumped on life every day, but lately I guess I have been more aware of how blessed I am, how incredible this life is, how important attitude and positive thinking are, and how awesome it is that we don't go through this life alone. I'm learning to appreciate the changes that occur as a younger man grows older - things like back hair.

The Dangers of Exercise

2008-04-27T17:37:00.000-07:00

I'm sure all of you heard or read about the fatal shark attack that occurred in Solana Beach on Friday morning. It has been the hot topic in SD this weekend. If you didn't hear about it, a 66 year old man was killed by a great white shark while swimming about 150 yards off shore with a group of triathletes. It was most certainly a tragedy and has shaken up the water community. We had a beach day planned at Del Mar for Saturday and it was perfect...hot, sunny, and glassy all day. Great white lurking or no great white lurking I was determined to get in the water. Despite the advisories to not enter the water, my boy Tim and I went out and surfed. We were having fun until we saw a dorsal fin emerge about 20 yards away from us. For a moment, both Tim and I were terrified. A second later a dolphin pierced the surface as it rode in and out of the wave. I've never been happier to see a dolphin in my life. This story isn't a tale of bravery, nor a tale of dolphins though. I tell this story as a prelude to what I thought was pretty hilarious commentary regarding the whole shark attack ordeal. My uncle Mike called my dad and said, "You know what I'm taking away from this whole thing? Don't exercise! Exercising is dangerous. That's why I don't do it. No one's ever been attacked by a shark in a doughnut shop." Although it sounds tongue-in-cheek, I think Mike probably really meant it (which makes it even more hilarious).

Massage vs. Words

2008-04-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

The differences between men and women are very interesting and seemingly limitless. Especially when it comes to how we give and receive love. One of the great challenges of marriage is learning what our partners love languages are and then loving them in those ways. For instance, Jordyn's love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. I continually try to love her with acts of service (cleaning, building things, washing the cars, yard work, etc.). Although she appreciates these things, they don't make her feel loved. Last night we were laying in bed and I asked her to give me a back massage. She said, "How about I say nice things to you instead?" I said, "No thanks, I'll take the rubs." Now, I do like to be affirmed. But if she were to ask me this question ten times I would probably choose the massage nine times out of ten. We chuckled at how primitive men can be some times...make body feel good now. I'm convinced that God uses marriage to grow us and build our character. He's teaching me to get out of my own world and think of the needs of others. He's teaching me to love others in new ways. I'm glad that He and my wife are patient.
Tunes: Cat Power - Silver Stallion (the whole Jukebox album is pretty stellar)

My ism is perfection...

2008-04-15T15:02:00.000-07:00

I approach this blog like I approach most things in life...if I can't do it right or perfect I won't do it all. It's a pretty lousy, small way to live really. But somehow it's become my way. There are many truths that I can recite to myself: there is a learning curve to everything, just be human, there is no right/perfect way to do anything, get outside of the box, etc. Sometimes I just feel like this guy. Stuck in my box...doing the same things and hoping for a different result.

"I'll be happy to give you innovative thinking. What are the guidelines?"

Quote of the day: “Realization that we have the capacity to envision perfection yet are destined to flounder can encourage a sense of humility and an appreciation of paradox in our shared humanity.” -Froma Walsh

Sleep Walker

2008-03-17T08:40:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I feel as though I'm fighting a heavy dose of anesthesia pulling me deeper and deeper into an abyss of fatigue, disengagement, and disconnection from myself and others. The drug is powerful and often difficult to fight. Usually it's easier to just let go; to become a zombie walking around half asleep. I can tell you that this is the absolute worst way to live. There is no passion, no risk, no creativity, no giving of self, no growth, no active interest in life; nothing that makes you feel alive. Certainly Satan gently lures you into this state. Before you know it your life has become a drugery of to do lists, managing risk, maintaining control, fighting fear, and ensuring that you've had proper sleep and nutrition. I've yet to find the perfect antidote for me. Of course my natural approach is to do more of what has gotten me into this state - make a list of things to check off to be more alive. I suppose at some point you must break the routines; speak truth to the lies; push through the perfectionism and performance mentality; abandon the oughts, shoulds, and expectations; trust God and who He says you are; and risk living a new way.

"People are either driven to action or complacency, mission or rust. You're either participating in the Game of Life or you're watching it from the grandstands. Here in lies a crucial difference. A champion plays the game: a spectator observes, criticizes and never really gets to live. A champion knows what he or she wants and goes after it with carefully calculated goals and no-holds-barred action. A spectator feels that his or her life is not their own. They let others dictate their destiny. They become victims of life instead of masters of it." -Bruce Jenner